Posted by Matt and Ryan - May 1, 2008, 11:00 a.m.

So the good folks over at Sports Illustrated have concocted a fan survey that purports to rate all 30 major league ballparks. You know, the sort of gimmicky list meant to generate a little controversy, get some buzz going and trick other forms of media into giving Sports Illustrated free exposure.

To show that we're wise to this sort of trickery, we here at Oddballs are going to respond by … weighing in and giving Sports Illustrated free exposure.
(You may have won this round, Sports Illustrated. But let's just say Peter King's next Starbucks experience in the Windy City will be decidedly unsatisfactory.)

The rankings were determined from the results of survey questions broken down into 10 categories that gauged the level of satisfaction fans have with their home ballpark. Each category was given equal weight.

As we see it, this methodology has two main flaws:
1. The assumption that fans can evaluate their own teams rationally.
2. The equal weight given to each category. Are we really supposed to believe that giving out sweet bobbleheads is as important as whether or not the team is any good?

Wrigley Field clocked in at 15th overall. The Cell did a bit better, finishing eighth.
We're not going to get into a shouting match over what a ridiculous injustice this in, as any observer with half a brain can clearly see Wrigley's superiorit&DB4d RBS<*%&*(&#........................................
[Ryan has just wrestled the laptop from Matt's kung fu grip. The two have agreed to proceed amicably].

Anyway, we'll leave the reactions up to you. Obviously we each have a soft spot for our team's home. What we are going to do is break down where the two teams came in for each category, why they did, and whether or not it's a fair assessment. But in a way that's more amusing than that last sentence made it sound.

SI ranks in Bold with the number in parenthesis being the team's rank out of 30.  Commentary is compliments of Oddballs.

WRIGLEY FIELD

Affordability (27)

No surprise here. People want to go to Wrigley. It's old, and it's small. It's just simple economics, folks. The invisible hand is guiding Cubs ticket prices steadily higher each season. [Stellar Roger Clemens/Mindy McReady/Invisible Hand joke has been removed except for the closing exclamation.] YAHTZEE!
The other expensive teams? Mets (28), Yankees (29), Red Sox (30). Not the worst company to keep. Except the Yankees.

Food (22)

Indeed, even the most ardent Cubs fan will freely acknowledge the food can't keep up with the facilities at new fangled parks. But so what? They have beer, perfectly tasty hot dogs and peanuts. Do you really need anything else? If you want to be dazzled with fresh ingredients and decadent food and wine pairings go to Charlie Trotter's. You're going to a baseball game, not a taping of Iron Chef.

Team Quality (12)

I don't really understand how this is a category. Obviously it's important, but if you're just asking fans how they feel about team quality, doesn't it wildly fluctuate depending on when you're conducting the survey. For example … you'll notice Detroit came in number one in team quality … where do you think that number would have been after the Tigers' Washington Generalesque start to the year?
I do think it's funny the Cubs came in at 12 though. It seems like Cubs fans would have either been delusional enough to push the team to number one or downtrodden enough to drag it to 30.

Tradition (3)

The Cubs once again find themselves in the company of the Red Sox and Yankees, but this time near the top. Honestly, these things always wind up penalizing teams with older parks (Wrigley actually finished higher than both Fenway and Yankee Stadium).
Personally I think the Cubs should have taken the top spot here. It doesn't specify "tradition of success," thankfully. But if we're just talking straight-up frozen in time resistance to change? Wrigley didn't even have lights until 1988! We resort to violence if people don't throw back home run balls. We shun readily available scoreboard and monitor technology. Why? TRADITION! I'm going to go watch Fiddler on the Roof.

Atmosphere (6)

79 percent nitrogen, 20 percent oxygen. Beat that Metrodome!
Fan IQ (8)

Isn't it inherently flawed to be evaluating the collective IQ of your own fandom?
Actually, maybe not. Check out the bottom two:
Florida (30)
Tampa Bay (29)
It's like the entire state of Florida has just thrown up its collective hands and said "Please, take our baseball teams from us. We just want to nap and fish and be retired. We never wanted them to begin with. The Marlins won two World Series in the last decade and we still don't care. We can't even pretend we know diddly-poo about baseball for the purpose of not coming off like idiots in a survey. We give up. Really."
I think Rockford and Peoria could do a better job supporting major league teams than the entire state of Florida.

Hospitality (24)

If this seems like a strange category, it is meant to evaluate how opposing fans are treated, not the quality of the maid service and continental breakfast.
Dead last? Philadelphia. Maybe we fans are better at evaluating ourselves than I originally suspected …

Promotions (16)

I mean, I'm glad Wrigley has the great atmosphere and tradition, but the one Cubs memory I'll never forget is that first Beanie Baby day …

Traffic (23)

If you're foolhardy enough to try to drive right up to Wrigley and then complain about the traffic, you deserve what you get. There are abundant public transportation options. (They did have a question about public transportation, but still).

Neighborhood (2)

Beaten out by the Padres … nuts! I've never been to a game there, but I know every time I'm in San Diego it makes me angry that people get to live in weather like that. Then I try to pretend I don't know about places like San Diego when it's almost May and the words "wintry mix" are still in our vocabulary. But I can't speak to the neighborhood that envelopes Petco Park.
We all know how I feel about Wrigleyville, since I chose to live there. Much lower than second and I would have sought vengeance on Sports Illustrated by renouncing my 20-year crush on Kathy Ireland. Greatest female kicker ever.

(Yikes … that's two Necessary Roughness references in less than a week. Better be careful with that. Sinbad might start asking for royalties).
Closing thoughts: I can't really take too much exception with where Wrigley finished in Sports Illustrated's deeply flawed little game. I mean, if Pittsburgh really had the third-best ballpark experience, wouldn't more people show up no matter how awful the Pirates continue to be?

Classic parks like Wrigley and Fenway always get killed in these things on issues like food, traffic, cost and so on. While these things are important, I don't think they mean nearly as much as things like tradition, atmosphere and the other categories in which Wrigley fared well (biased, I know). But people travel from all over the world to see a game at Wrigley Field. That means something special, and I don't need a contrived survey to confirm or deny that for me.

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Now onto US Cellular Field which comes in a cool 7 spots ahead of Wrigley Field in the all knowing rankings of SI.

Without further ado…

US CELLULAR FIELD

Affordability (18)

It’s no secret to anyone who regularly attends games at the Cell that ticket prices and concessions have seen a steep increase since 2005.  I don’t care if they picked me up and dumped the change out of my pockets after winning the World Series.  I’m still in the 5 year window of World Series bliss afforded to every fan of a winning team other than the Yankees and the Marlins.  I have until 2010 before I can be bitter about beer prices.

Food (2)

I need to get my tookus up to Milwaukee for a game if they claim that their fare is better than that at the Cell.  There are vendors and food stands as far as the eye can see and while everyone enjoys having a hot dog at a game who doesn’t want the option of trading in that dog for a steak pita?  How about washing it down with a funnel cake or elephant ear? 

I half expect to see Bobby Flay himself look up from behind the grill when I’m set to order…rumor has it that’s where he got his start.  And Ming Tsai.  I’m a HUGE Ming Tsai fan.

Team Quality (17)

Like my colleague here, I’m not really sure how this is a category.  What was the line of questioning that determined how fans felt about the quality of their team? 

On a scale of 1-5 with 1 being I hate the team that I come to the park to support because they couldn’t beat my little league team and 5 being that my arms are frozen in a constant double handed fist pump because the team is so good, where do you rank yourself?

I’m a four, I can’t dive into the double handed fist pump just yet, I have my dignity.

Tradition (15)

I suppose its not bad to be a middle of the road tradition team, but I’m not sure what this category means.  If the Sox were to rank first, would I gloat to anyone that my team has the best tradition in baseball?  I don’t really hang my hat on tradition, however doesn’t the fact that my team is named after a clothing item that goes on your feet give us any more edge here? 

Shouldn’t that ratchet us up a notch or 4?  I’m just glad I’m not a fan of an expansion team that has a name straight out of the National Dogdeball Championship on ESPN The Ocho.  Diamondbacks?  Rays?  What’s next, the Cobras?

Atmosphere (8)

I really must attribute this high ranking in atmosphere at US Cellular Field to the decision to remove all of the blue seats in the stadium and replace them with green seats.  Quite frankly, I was going to stop going to games if I had to see one more sea of blue seats where green should reign supreme!  Ummm, moving right along…

Fan IQ (4)

Sweet Sassy Molassey!  I feel vindicated, and triumphant!  Did they administer a team quiz?  Was this a normal IQ test?  If so, I’m of the opinion that as a fan base we collectively discovered the best manner in which to cheat on the test, still rendering us deserving of a 4. 

Hospitality (23)

I whole heartedly disagree with this in light of the recent spitting incident that occurred whilst I was attending a game at Wrigley, however during the Yankees-Sox series my roommate’s entire section had seemingly locked horns royal rumble style with fans of both teams administering knock blows.  Official results have yet to be returned but rumor has it that Rowdy Roddy Piper came out victorious and threw the last vagabond Yankee fan out of the squared circle.  He’s always making a bad name for the rest of us.

Promotions (4)

This is entirely due to $1 hotdog night.  No ifs, ands, or buts about it.  I mean how does $1 hotdogs not win?

Traffic (1)

WOOHOO!  Scoring first place on traffic!  One would assume that this might lead to a better ranking for hospitality due to a smaller chance of road rage but clearly it adds to atmosphere instead.  I’d say it’s a highfivable affair when road rage can be completely cut out of the equation.  But how can traffic be better in Chicago than a smaller city?  I think we stuffed the ballots on this one.

Neighborhood (23)

Some people say it’s off putting to be in audible range of gunshot when leaving US Cellular Field, I say it’s exciting.  Millions of people have watched the ever popular Cops from the comfort of their own homes for years.  Doesn’t mixing an episode of Cops with a trip to the ballpark enhance your experience?  Who’s with me!

Well Sox fans, I’d say that being in the top ten of this list is a win for us, even if we are responsible for the voting.  So enjoy gloating about the status of our stadium being ranked 8 nationwide and remember to smile and wave people along driving to and from the stadium.  If that traffic ranking drops from the top spot we’re doomed. 

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Do they still have elephant ears at "The Cell?" I tried looking for one the other day but couldn't find one....they do though have the Ice cream of the future...Dippin Dots...mmmm. I do and always will have a soft spot for the White Sox egg rolls. As far as Wrigley, they rid themselves of the cheaper of three hot dogs they used to sell, and i for one was not happy about that...mmm. Lunch time!

MATT SAYS: Dippin Dots will revolutionize the way we consume food.

Fenway is a work in progress but is still light years ahead of the world's largest party urinal on the north side. As to the Cell, every time I bring someone there I get the same response; "Wow, this is much nicer than ...." Which, in a backhanded way, is a compliment.

MATT SAYS: If you're going to be a giant party urinal, better be the biggest!

I know this is a baseball forum but I would like to say, way to go Cedric. Keep on giving us reasons to remove you as the starting running back. I hope I never have to be pepper sprayed.

I know I'm late to this party, but I wanted to agree with my fellow Tribe fans that Jacobs Field is the best. And it was, is, and always will be Jacobs Field. So have fun with your middle-of-the-road ballparks. Maybe if you combine the best of each, you would have almost as enjoyable an experience as a Tribe game. Chicken 'n' waffles, baby! And I know I did exactly what you told us not to and bought into the hype of the survey. But we Clevelanders have to take our sports victories wherever we find them.

MATT SAYS: The Hat will be so sad when LeBron leaves for Brooklyn ...

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