Posted by Matt - May 14, 2008, 10:20 a.m.

If Paul Sullivan is correct (which he always is) Jim Edmonds is about to become a Cub.

Like many Cub fans, my initial reaction was one of blind rage.

"Jim Edmonds?? The CARDINAL?? Won't Big Z inevitably punch him in the face? Isn't he hitting like .115?  Do we really need to watch him make fake diving catches over and over again just so the guys on Sportscenter talk about what a gamer he is? Can he even get close enough now that he's 55 years old to make fake diving catches? Doesn't he have a reputation for being a big smelly jerkface? What about our fantastic team chemistry thus far? What was wrong with Reed Johnson and Felix Pie? They seemed to be working out well enough even though Pie can't hit a curveball, changeup, slider and most fastballs. He just needed more time. There's never enough time. Why does Jim Edmonds eat babies? I can't believe he tried to beat up my grandma that one time. And I can't believe he sold Barry Bonds all that HGH and helped Miguel Tejada forge his birth certificate. Also, I heard he's a huge fan of "Two and a Half Men." That's the worst show ever!"