Posted March 17 - 3:17 p.m

Are you bursting with desire to be a bus operator? Good news for you.  The CTA is looking for part-time CTA bus operators. The wording in the official release is unintentional comedic genius that I'm sure some riders will get a kick out of based on their experiences with the system.

Disclaimer: I know there are great operators out there and I commend them.   I tried to operate a bus simulator once, and it was no picnic.  I couldn't imagine if the simulation had contained bus fights, rude riders and a cell yeller who didn't have his fare ready when I pulled up to the virtual curb.

But for the operators who are outrageously rude and inept, it amuses me that the CTA so carefully spells out what they are looking for. Hard to believe the bad apples get by such a stringent set of qualifications.  I offer up my own more "truthier" versions of some of these requirements to let these part-timers know what they are getting themselves into.  It might save us all some "Going Public" grief.

The Chicago Transit Authority is seeking applicants interested in joining the agency as part-time bus operators. CTA is planning to fill more than 400 part-time bus operator positions this year.

Translation: We've got a lot of buses and few people who bother to come to work to drive them because they are glared at, complained about, beaten up, and sometimes sent pink slips that are later rescinded. But have at it. It's a down economy, people, so snap up this job if you can handle it.

Eligible applicants should have strong customer service skills, the ability to speak in a clear and concise manner, and possess the math and comprehension skills needed to accurately read and interpret bus schedules.

Translation: If you can speak the King's English, count to 100, and promise not to call anyone a string of profanities at least for the firs tyear, come on in. It's a plus if you can say -- with sincerity -- that you have no clue where other bus routes are going, even if you know full well where other routes are going.

Starting pay for this position is $17.46 per hour with the potential to increase to $26.86 per hour.

Translation: You will earn every penny of this money with your soul, and then some.

Operators, riders, feel free to add your own comments. And if you are seriously interested in this job, and I salute you if you can handle it, the rest of the description will be posted on transitchicago.com under "press releases." It isn't up yet as of the time of this post.

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